4 hour ramona

(no subject)

oh my goodness, this game is beautiful.

this weekend was pretty much as full of awesome as a weekend can be. saturday was adventure day and sunday was relaxy/cleany day. well, mostly, i relaxed while the beatnik cleaned, but i think it was a fair trade-off.

i cooked a bunch of stuff, up to and including cinnamon rolls from scratch. yeasted breads have always been problematic for me, so i was doubletriple glad that they turned out. and i went through a bunch of computer junk and deleted things, transferred photos from the phone to the 'puter and vice versa, and started the re ituning of my itunes. and as a part of all that, i deleted a bunch of old texts, they were a sad record and as much as i'd like to remember the good times, they stand as a reminder of how much fun it was. in the past. you know, before. anyway, gone now. and with mention of their passing, so goes their importance. and then i did laundry. wrapped up the evening with a couple of games of cards and that was that.

our landlord is coming to town to view the property and instead of taking all the dirty art down off the walls, we're just going to put post-its and black masking tape Xs over all the naughty bits. for the coffee table, i'm going to cut up one of the big vinyl prints i made earlier this year and use it as a table cover. there, all fixed.
4 hour ramona


my favorite autumnal song.
actually, if i had to pick a favorite song of all time, it would probably be this one:

4 hour ramona

(no subject)

oh yeah, i have another art show coming up. in february. in .. um... some town by a lake. there are wineries near there. it's east of here.

i think it may be a reprise of the valentines show i did in greenwood in '09.

i just peeked at some analytics. search terms that have led people to bvg include:
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bitchy breakfast
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i can get streets of fire for my ipod
gruchalla salsa
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my bread is grilled but my cheese didn't melt
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4 hour ramona

reading is fun for mentals

after reading the first three of the song of ice and fire series, it's weird to be able to finish a normal-sized book. in a day. i started reading bad marie yesterday at lunch, and just now finished it.

the firey icey nonsense, epic though it may be, is really kind of dumb. but also very smart. i keep going back and forth on whether or not i like the storytelling; the stories themselves are mostly interesting and the way the plots and subplots weave together makes for some compelling reading, but! here's the thing. i know brienne is ugly but has nice eyes. i know that varys is creepy and also weird. i know that the women are, mostly, medieval women - pawns in marriage if lucky, vessels for babies and rape if not. and the men are all either "i fight with kill-rage" or "i'm a conniving conniver" - not a lot of subtlety. i know that tyrion has been shorted (cough cough) in the looks department. i know jon snow knows nothing. i know that everyone has their fucking banners and that walder begat walder who begat walder who begat waldette who begat walder... there are a lot of pieces of bad writing, and that gets in the way of the good stuff.

and the good stuff is good, this is a true science fact. there is a lot i like in the series - notably, the subtlety lost on a lot of the stereotypey characters is found in the way the magical/shapeshifting/back from the dead aspects are brought into the story. like, yup, we ate lampreys and also this guy came back from the dead and i had to kill him again. the lampreys were gross.

after i get through iq84, i'll read the next book in the series, but i think i'll have to cleanse my brain with a few lighter reads in the meantime. speaking of, i need to make my picks for comic book delivery next week. wednesday comes to those who wait.

speaking of deliveries, the sidesipper should be opening in half an hour, and that means someone will be bringing me a rum & coke in 32 minutes. i like this.
4 hour ramona

there, that'll fix it

it's also come to my attention that i need "something that consumes me." and i have to agree with this.

in school (when i went back the 2nd time), i worked full time, carried an average of 16 credits, and up until i had to take math classes my gpa was 3.98. that was exciting and exhilarating and my brain worked in fabulous and wonderful ways. this was also when i discovered my love of chilled espresso and vanilla vodka and long velvet scarves.

then i moved out here and had an entirely new city to learn.

then i helped found a roller derby league, which aside from skating included up to 30 hours of admin work a week. after i quit skating, i coached pfm, which was only a 15 hour per week time cut, but had a whole lot more in terms of interpersonal energy given. and actually even now, i consult with some derby coaches informally - that's still a couple hours a month.

i quit that, what, 2 years ago? i've been aimlessly drifting ever since. i've had things, people, who have charmed and inspired, but they have been fleeting for one reason or another. and there is really only so much tv one gal can watch.

so, i'm taking fencing lessons. the quarter doesn't start until january, though. i have a lot of time to kill until then.
4 hour ramona

(no subject)

pumpkin pie popovers

heat oven and a muffin tin to 450.

blend together 1 cup flour, i cup milk, 2 eggs, 1/4 cup pumpkin (the actual vegetable, not the pie filling), 1/8 tsp each nutmeg, cinnamon, and ginger, dash of black pepper.
when the oven and muffin tin are hot, take out the tin and fill each cup halfway with batter. pop it back in the oven and bake at 450 for 20 minutes, then reduce to 350 for an additional 20 minutes. do not open the door. do not peek, do not even think about going near the damn oven. just. don't.
leave it be.

when the 40 minutes are up, take the popovers out and stab each one with a sharp knife. just once. it feels good. let them sit for 5 more minutes.

while the popovers are sitting, combine equal parts pumpkin and neufchatel cheese. add spices (i use cloves, more ginger, and a teeny dash of balsamic vinegar) and add a bit of sugar, honey, or maple syrup to sweeten the pot.

the sugar i use for this is a vanilla lemon sugar - fill a large jar with sugar, add 2 or 3 sliced and gutted vanilla beans and the freshly grated zest of at least 1 lemon. maybe 2. mix everything well and allow it to sit for a month. the oil from the lemon peel will make the sugar clump, you can either toss in some grains of rice to help prevent this or just mix the sugar well, and often, and run it through a sieve before using. coffee sweetened with this sugar tastes pretty damn amazing.

you are welcome.
4 hour ramona

into the new year

between a killer head cold, the weekend, and a seriously impending wedding (gotta leave here in 3 hours), i've been off work for 6 days. and i've been spectacularly... something. i dunno. i've just been.

i'm not paganally inclined, but i do like the idea of the new year happening earlier. the beginning of the dark days of winter seems the perfect time to renew and refresh, so i've adopted that one aspect. that the new year, metaphorically, starts tomorrow. out with the old, in with the... well, not new, but definitely the better.

so here's the old. out with it!

the sick part of the last week took a huge energy toll, so i didn't really do anything exciting until yesterday. it was pretty much all i could do to stay awake while watching tv. reading was too much effort, and i didn't have it in me to do any writing. i wasn't just tired, i was weary. soul weary. and sad, too.

there is a different, better BVG entry in the hopper, but the beatnik has to post it. once the blog gets switched over to wordpress, i'll be able to do that myself, but i don't have admin rights on the typepress account. maybe in a month or so, when things get a bit calmer around here we'll get that all switched around and taken care of.

yesterday, sabina came over for a long overdue slice of glitterpie and to watch drive angry - arguably nicholas cage's official worst movie ever. certainly his worst wig ever. sabina and i have a particular penchant for shitty movies, and she finishes my sentences (along with me, as i'm saying them. it's weird) and fits into my vintage dresses. but then she went home and i went back to half-napping through criminal minds reruns.

dreams have been weird - quite literally fever dreams. i remember too many details to even begin to jot them down. the gist of all, though, is things undone, things not right, things going all off-kilter because of the actions of others, and that's absolutely mirroring real life right now. i just feel like too much is dependent on the whims of the world at large, and it makes me uncomfortable. it's hard to be the master of one's own destiny when the thoughts and feelings of additional people are involved. that's not correct - it's easy if there's honesty in the mix, but i've learned the hard way not to count on that so much. it goes against my nature, because i want to believe that people are reasonably good - and i do think they are - it's just that ego and fear and all that garbage sometimes gets in the way. i wish it didn't. i wish it was easier to get to the creamy center, that's where the best stuff is. and yeah, i wish i could share mine more easily, i want to, but i think the years have convinced me that it's dangerous, and that nobody wants it anyway. i do hope the years are wrong.

a couple weeks ago i had started a pretty large arty project, and it had a specific purpose, and shit happened, and the reason i wanted to finish it turned from a purely giving "hey i made a thing for you" to a very spiteful "hey i made a thing and now you can't have it." and right about the time that switch happened, i fucked up the piece. irreparably. because making pretty things into petty things never works. after the fuckup, i kept working on it because i was bound and determined to finish, because spite! and also because i wasn't ready to stop. yesterday i threw it away.
and today i'm remaking it. because it was a damn good idea and the idea deserves another chance. but today i'm remaking it for me.

this fits in that line of thinking too, trust me - i don't think that right in the midst of sexy funtimes is a good time to be thinking of bill murray, but ... ok, i'd best back up a bit. when i started taking the hormonal treatment for endo, my body reactions got a bit wonky, and when i stopped taking the 'mones, instead of going back to how things were, it all jumbled up again in new and different ways. one of the most noticeable effects is orgasming. rather, not orgasming. it just doesn't work the way it used to. not to say it doesn't happen, but it's different, and getting there is a whole 'nother journey. it's like, hmmm.. i don't know what it's like. it's like all of a sudden, your favorite ice cream tastes like cheese. and cheese is good and all, but it's not ice cream and no matter how much you eat, or how much you tell yourself that cheese is indeed an acceptable substitute, it won't sate the ice cream appetite.
all the things i thought my body reacted well to are kinda moot now and i know that finding new things should be a fun adventure, but it's kind of frustrating because when muscle memory kicks in and things that should work don't it's hard not to be all "dang." but! then suddenly bill murray popped into my head. it just doesn't matter! it just doesn't matter! and that turned out to be a good thing.
however, that can't be a mantra that's ever said out loud.

i'm really fucking tired of eggshells. i'm tired of not saying things for fear of making people uncomfortable, and i'm especially tired of people not saying things to me. so i'm declaring eggshell amnesty. you want to say something? ask something? tell something? please, do it. it will be a gift, from you to me, to do so - even if it seems hard or hurtful. but doubly so if its thoughtful. i'd rather have the words than the uncertainty. comments are screened on this post. fair warning, i'm going to do my best to bring this out in person, too. bring it. because i want it, and most of all, because i can take it.

time to do the laundry. the pants i want to wear to the wedding are actually pajamas and they need a little picker-upper.
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