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Jan. 6th, 2006

i'm reading about how to survive a robot uprising. i'm not gonna give away all the secrets, but i'll share a few...

  • choose a complex environment. waterfalls, street traffic, and places with lots of ambient noise confuse the robots.

  • lose your heat signature. smear yourself with mud and leaves and sit real still.

  • use uncommon words to suss out robots on the phone. robots do not know how pronounce supercalifragilisticexpealidocious.

  • find a blunt weapon. serrated edges won't work on robo exo-skeletons. nope.

  • alter your stride. robots can judge gait and injury, even height and intention, by stride, so put some rocks in your shoes and mix things up a bit. doing some ministry of silly walks stuff goes even further towards confusing them.

  • pretend that everything is normal. to forstall a mechanized killing spree, you must pretend that nothing is amiss.

...that should keel y'all alive for a while. you're welcome.

my feet are still cold.

i had decaf coffee for the first time last night.

also, i heard a rumor that bonnie bell dr pepper lip smacker is on the outs. i'm stocking up.


( 18 comments — Leave a comment )
Jan. 6th, 2006 03:58 pm (UTC)
Thank you for the survival tips. They were sorely needed. You saved thousands of lives with this post and we thank you.

Jan. 6th, 2006 06:35 pm (UTC)
that tin foil hat *will* save you!
Jan. 6th, 2006 06:37 pm (UTC)
I find metal boil pots to be effective as well, but it makes it difficult to get thru doorways when wearing one.

The tin foil is a better choice. It's light, moldable, and doesn't clang when you run into things.
Jan. 6th, 2006 06:47 pm (UTC)
oooh - also get some welding goggles, in case they try to blind you with lasers.
Jan. 6th, 2006 06:50 pm (UTC)
Oh yes! Those are a must have! Especially in plagues of locusts!
Jan. 6th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
and don't forget...
Jan. 6th, 2006 10:33 pm (UTC)
Re: and don't forget...
hahahaha! I love that site!
Jan. 6th, 2006 10:35 pm (UTC)
Re: and don't forget...
the part that just cracks me up is "Using a $250,000 network analyser,"
Jan. 24th, 2006 11:49 pm (UTC)
Re: and don't forget...
It's a plot by The Man to get you to stop wearing your AFDB. Don't believe in their lies.
Jan. 6th, 2006 04:44 pm (UTC)
i'm prepared for robot uprising!

Jan. 6th, 2006 06:35 pm (UTC)
i wonder if ghosts could be trained to fight them?
Jan. 6th, 2006 10:17 pm (UTC)
you misspelled "zombies"
Jan. 6th, 2006 10:29 pm (UTC)
you mean it's really spelled e-n-c-h-a-n-t-e-d- p-l-a-t-i-p-i?
Jan. 6th, 2006 10:30 pm (UTC)
actually it's s-t-r-a-p-l-e-s-s e-v-e-n-i-n-g g-o-w-n.

but it's a common typo.

I mean, the keys are like right next to each other.
Jan. 6th, 2006 06:00 pm (UTC)
This is good to know, in case all the Roombas get together and take over the world.
Jan. 6th, 2006 06:36 pm (UTC)
it's entirely possible!
Jan. 7th, 2006 03:23 am (UTC)
mmesolange gave me that book for Xmas!
Feb. 16th, 2006 03:20 pm (UTC)
What about zombies? Any help with that?
( 18 comments — Leave a comment )